The Curse of Awareness

3:22 am

And I’ve completely exhausted the words of Lana Del Rey for another night.  I’m left with the silence of myself, or lack thereof.  Why do I fail so terribly at sleep?  Even when I let go of the world and wander into the fuzziness of my mind, the slightest disturbance shakes my dreams into reality.  The wheels of my mind creak with the loudest enthusiasm, especially when I try to hush them.

So begins another sleepless battle of mind and body, how long until my mind surrenders?

I shall meander the deep depths and lost corners of the world wide web, or simply Pinterest the superficial rantings of the world.  We all desire that wedding with endless amounts DYI details, and a mansion with hidden doorways to libraries reaching toward the heavens.  We all dream of the worldly wardrobe fit for a queen and matching hair styles that would make Lady Gaga cringe with envy……

And tonight I shall fall asleep with big hair, obsessive amounts of mascara, and a missed opportunity because I feared traversing the city of Grand Rapids alone.  Eventually, one day, I will conquer my fear.

Fear is a strange thing, it’s the bone that can’t be buried.  No matter how creatively they’re hidden, fears and phobias find a way to creep back to the surface.


If I move to Europe at this very moment, my sleep schedule will fit perfectly with mainstream society.

I’ll sleep on it.

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